The Rise of a Rose

There is no perfect life, not for a lack of trying.

We come out of the womb screaming and crying to be cared for, washed, fed, and held. Loved. We are at the whim of our elders, family members, guardians, and hospitals. Our genetics. Our status. Is it just plain hubris to think that after all our infinitesimally unlikely chance of existence, we get to have an “after” life? Is it selfish to think our consciousness continues after our vessels give out? To think we get some sort of second chance? Some peace for regrets we never had the chance to right before?

I don’t think it takes much effort to not be a dick. Pay it forward. Give thanks. Don’t litter. Apologize with genuine intent. Don’t take things personally. But these lessons are learned. Eventually. Over time. I’m not sure if we get an afterlife, but we all have a better chance at learning these things while we’re here.

You are not perfect and you are not a god/higher power/some holy figure who does not make mistakes. Maybe sometimes I think , “I lost so much time,” from when I was mentally and emotionally sick. I was purposefully attempting to end it all, but I feel like with every single time, just like when I was born and raised, I was at the mercy of those around me. This time though, with consciousness and growth, I was afforded the opportunity to choose what I did, who I was with, and how I spent my time. I’m lucky to still be alive. Those who were around me in my worst of times, the darkest of times loved me so much that I wanted to live.

Now I think, “I don’t need to think of an afterlife if I make heaven every day.” I have my DEBUT book out. I’m starting my master’s in something I’m truly passionate about and have been working in for the last few years. I turn 28 at the end of this month and I really, gosh, I really did not think I would make it past 21. After all the therapy, the breakdowns, the medication, the failures, and countless self-imposed hurdles, I made it to the end of my 20s, happy, alive, and grateful.

I get to give my teenage self the romanticizing, fantastical, adventurous, garden-like Tumblr girl life of her dreams!!!!

And get to blog about it?!

So welcome, to Mei Roses Bloom, a domain of self-love and self-discovery. Where conversations are had by the fire and there’s extravagance in simple days at home. Where you get to put your feet in the grass and feel real after a daze of depersonalization. It’s where when you’re overwhelmed, you get to put your noise cancelling headphones on in a pillow fort and read the evening away. There’s safety, recipes, room for tears, and pages and pages of humanity. I can’t wait to share space with you, my dear, beautiful blooms.

With love and courage,

Mei